Finished listening?

Hi, Neighbor! It’s me, Mr. Hincks. I was hoping to avoid any book club incidents this time, but, sadly, as you know, the town copy of the book now belongs to Carla. Happily, though, I’m all settled in with my tea and coziest slippers to read you this abridged version of The Case of the Curiously Quiet Theater!

We begin with Ells and Ernie, our two detective extraordinaires, at The Curtain’s Call Theater. They’ve just arrived to see a production of Pinched: A Cautionary Tale About How I Stole Your Last Dime. A quick aside: have you heard that there’s been talk of Hincksville putting on a performance of this fictional play once everyone in book club has finished the book? My fingers are crossed that I’m cast as a tap dancing coin, but I’m not sure if that’s an actual role.

Back in the book, Ells and Ernie were attending a matinee showing of the play, as Ernie had won two tickets which included a meet and greet with the actors. Ernie won the tickets from a radio show and was just about to describe the foolproof methodology he used to be the 100th caller when he was interrupted by an official-looking person holding a clipboard.

The Official-Looking-Person turned out to be named Kip. He introduced himself as the assistant to Della Harris, one of the stars of the show. Kip collected their meet and greet passes and whisked Ells and Ernie through a crew door to the backstage area. They followed him to the wings of the stage, where they could see two people already standing center stage. The detectives could hear the murmur of the crowd waiting for the show to begin, but couldn’t see the audience because of the huge red curtain that was closed.

Ernie whispered that he hoped his stagefright wasn’t acting up today as they were ushered toward the two people. At first, it seemed like they may be practicing a scene, but Ells’s finely tuned detective ears informed her that the tones that these people were conversing in were not the sounds of rehearsal. Then, her finely tuned detective eyes saw that they both seemed to be genuinely upset. Ernie’s finely tuned detective stomach growled as he remembered that he hadn’t had lunch.

The two actors fell silent when they saw Ells and Ernie. “Wonderful,” the man said cooly, “you must be here to get my dietary restrictions for the next award show I’m inevitably invited to.” Ernie went pale and looked between the actors and the red curtain stammering, “I– um…Line?”

Ells stepped forward and informed the man that they did not work organizing award shows, but were in fact detectives. She noted, though, that being detectives didn’t have anything to do with their presence; they were here for the meet and greet. The woman who hadn’t spoken yet gave a friendly smile and introduced herself as Della Harris and her co-star as Ronan Young.

After some hand-shaking, Ells turned to Della and told her how excited she was to meet a real actor. Ells confided that she had known she wanted to be a detective ever since she first started watching the TV show Maxine Morton: Mystery Mechanic. However, she also figured that if she couldn’t be a detective, then she might be able to be an actor that plays a detective.

Ronan frowned and asked what in the world a mystery mechanic was. Della managed to both beam and look shocked, which really showed her range as an actor. Della exclaimed that she loved Maxine Morton and even subscribed to the Official Mystery Mechanic Maker Kit so she could build replicas of the culprit-catching gadgets that Maxine whipped up in her auto shop.

Eyes wide, Ells reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a small box with wires sticking out of it. Della expertly identified the gadget as the Automatic Door Closer 3000 from Season 1, Episode 3. Ells nodded excitedly, but noted that it wasn’t currently working since she couldn’t seem to get the wiring right. As Della and Ells started poking at the box, Ronan walked away, clearly bored. He called out to Della that he was really glad that she had electrician skills to fall back on for when Tilly inevitably took over Della’s role.

Della looked like she was about to make a retort when another clipboard person popped over and told Della, Ells, and Ernie that it was almost showtime. As the clipboard person hurried away, Della told the detectives that this clipboard person was actually the Tilly that Ronan had just mentioned. Tilly was Ronan’s best friend and current assistant. They met years ago in theater school and Ronan had been pushing the director to give Della’s role to Tilly. Della rolled her eyes dismissively. She said she knew there was definitely no way Tilly would be taking her role, but that Ronan might drive her away from it. Della confided in the detectives that Ronan was a ‘real piece of work,’ and was getting on her last nerve.

As she waved her irritation away, Della told the detectives to meet her backstage after the show. She said she would have more time to chat between the matinee and evening performances and maybe together they could get the Automatic Door Closer fixed.

Ernie’s bout of stagefright seemed to be over, and, as they made their way to their seats, he started looking for the popcorn stand. Before they could reach concessions though, the lights went down, leaving Ernie without so much as a warm pretzel. But he soon forgot about it, as the production was delightfully dramatic and action-packed. The detectives were engrossed in the performance when suddenly there was a bright flash of light and an alarming-

Oh! Wait a minute. No spoilers! When you know the rest of that sentence, let me know and I’ll continue on with the story. But hurry, the show must go on, and I’m excited to tell you what happened next! Go ahead and press continue, now.